I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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