Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
