Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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