And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
