3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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