It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
