Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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