She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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