I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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