Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize