I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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