i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
