Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
