he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
