His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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