just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
