My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
