well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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