Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
