When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
