I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Someone shit on the floor
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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