In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
