dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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