I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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