You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
