I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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