She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
