Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
