porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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