Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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