There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
