She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i barfeds in our rink
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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