i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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