I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
