It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
