it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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