I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
