i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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