Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
