She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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