May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
