Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
