Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
