When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
