I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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