Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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