Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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