I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
