Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is Oprah even human
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
