hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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