are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
