someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
