dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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