Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
