I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize