i think my tv is drunk
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
