I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
