goodnight i made you a song goodbye
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
