I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
