the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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