Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
