So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
pray to the hookup gods
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize