she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
