i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
