before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize