I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
