I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize