Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
this hospital has no fireball
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
