I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
