kristin has been a bad kristin
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
