ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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