It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
