Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
