hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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