I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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