The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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