Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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