I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize