so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
