People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
