i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
