There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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