CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
