God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
