I'm really into asian looking animals
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
